Friday, March 28, 2014

Exercise Will Kill You

When my brother wisely refused to get in shape with me this Spring, I sent him the following (By the way, one of his reasons for refusing is that he now belongs to a quality beer of the month club and feels obligated to consume their offerings on time. I see his point. It is hard to give up the suds, which means you have to run lots of extra miles. Our luxuries are costly!!)

response :
Dear Larry,

I understand. It is important to have the right priorities. I think you are making the right choice. I always feel worse when I am healthy. Seriously, exercise makes me sick. I'd generally recommend against it unless you have older brothers. All that pain ain't no gain. The pain of gain is pain and drain. Its all ego anyway. Better godly and fat than skinny and proud. A fat man enters heaven happy. A fit man enters hell proud. It is harder for a fit man to go through the eye of a needle than for a fat man to walk the golden corridors of heaven. A wise fat man rises on the waters of the Spirit. A muscle bound fool sinks in his own conceits. The road to hell is paved with good diets, especially the ones designed for other people, that disallow all things good and beautiful, like beer, bacon and bagles. The road to heaven is carved with thanksgiving for good gifts from above, especially those in great abundance, like beer and cheese. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye die! 

I don't think I will give up beer but I will have to run a few extra miles. I haven't run for about 7 months, so it will take some effort to get in shape!

Post Script- I ran yesterday. It worked. I feel terrible.

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