Saturday, March 29, 2014

Doctor Dan

Doctor Dan messaged me concerned my insistence on the negative aspects of getting in shape were out of line. I am sure he knew I was joking but being a doctor he wants to make sure no one takes me seriously. He said that being in shape feels great. He encouraged me to stretch before but especially after exercise.

This is just the sort of thing I want to warn you all about. Doctors do this. They try to convince you to exercise saying that you will 'feel great.' But have you ever really thought about how doctors make their money? They need people to get sick. They need pulled  muscles, slipped discs, irregular heartbeats and the like, so they can earn that $125 for 30 seconds of your time. Do the math. That comes out to $15,000 per hour! You think you are going to get the real story from these guys?

I know, I know. Obamacare will get them straightened out. The new allowable billing will reduce the rate to $1.25 per 30 minute visit. But until we can count on the government putting these leeches out of business, we are going to have to put up with doctors trying to get you to exercise so they can claim their cash cow. Well, that cash cow is you.

Now, I might give my Doctor Dan the benefit of the doubt. After all, he is a Christian. But have you ever wondered about how Christian doctors pray when business is slow? Huh? Something like, "Dear Lord, would it be possible if you could bring a little unannounced snowstorm and throw a few Volvos into a tailspin? Nothing major, just some normal whiplash." Or, "Dear Lord,  would you please incite Virgil to go out and get some exercise? I know he would be foolish to do so but I'm sure he won't DIE, He'll probably only throw out a hip and I can fix him up for the price of two sets of kid's braces. Amen."

So, folks. Don't listen to your doctor. His truth telling is deceitful. He says being in shape feels great. He means something completely different than you think. He means that when you get in shape, it makes him feel great.

Now, Doctor Dan did offer one more suggestion and with this one I think he let the cat out of the bag. He said "stretch or have a glass of wine." I think he meant for me to do both, probably assuming the glass of wine would make me stumble and break something. But I am sticking to the OR. Fool me once, Doc.

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