Radicalized Christians Invade College Campus in Body Armor

Radicalized Christians Invade College Campus in Body Armor

Two radicalized Christians invaded Princeton University in full body armor on Saturday. Both are confirmed dead. President Obama commented on the disturbance. "It is clear that this was an act of domestic terrorism. I am glad there were brothers able to act and think quickly to prevent further tragedy."

The two Radicalized Christians stood up in the Edwards lunch hall and began throwing bombs. Several landed within feet of the school's president but he was unfazed and unharmed.

"I heard Paul Christian yell at me, "President Smith, Christmas has Christ in it and you cannot take Him out!"

Another student, Farouk Mohammad, stood up at this taunt and struck Christian full in the mouth. At this point, Christian's fellow assailant, Barnabas Preacher, stood and began reading a provocative text. He read, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God."

At this point, Mohammad yelled, "He has a WMD!" And several students noticed the two were in full body armor. Their loins were girt with truth, and they had on breastplates of righteousness. Their feet were shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. Both both carried a shield of faith.

At this point, many students, including the President of the University, vigorously resisted the two assailants. They rushed upon them with one accord to prevent any further carnage.

The two stood and continued declaring the exclusivity of Christ and for a while they were able to continue to fight the crowd pouring in on them.

Mohammad then grabbed several water bottles, emptied them and filled them sterno oil from the food bar. He lit them and hurled them and the duo. For some time, they stood shouting, "We are able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked."

This caused the crowd to risk all danger and surge on them with one accord.

At this the two took their last stand, taking up the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. They slew many with the sword as the crowd closed in but were overcome and both perished on the spot.

President Obama praised Farouk Mohammad. "Because of his fast thinking and boldness, he saved many from destruction."